So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I could fuck to npr.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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