We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
