I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
