so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
