Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
