My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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