I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
