all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
