I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
