he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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