dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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