i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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