i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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