i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I need moral support for this bender
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
