I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
