if i can run in heels then i can drive
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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