Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
