how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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