Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
pop tarts are not kleenex
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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