Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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