you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
