I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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