i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
