Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
