office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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