Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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