Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just found puke in my bra..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
