so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
