He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
