the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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