there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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