my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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