I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize