If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
