i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize