he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
