puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
