My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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