I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
