I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
