Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
