After last night, I could never be a politician.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
