Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
