dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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