hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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