Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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