Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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