The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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