jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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