i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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