I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize