Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
