problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize