Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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