Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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