And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
