To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
