my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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