I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
