I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
