All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
