i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
