he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize