my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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