hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my being single is dangerous.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize