How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
