I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
