By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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