We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
