Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
