I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
