It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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