Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize