I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
